the Extremely Pointless Talk Show OVA series
by ThornyRainBreak
Summary: The same as the EPTS TV...except completely random. No plot whatsoever...atlest a not very aparent one. First chapter up!


Warnings Disclaimers and Whatnot:

(same that apply to the EPTS TV Series)

~This fiction contains violence, some course language, and all around insanity. By not clicking the back button, you are choosing to read this yourself. Any harm caused by reading this is your responsibility and not mine. 

~The E.P.T.S is property of moi. Meaning it is mine. If anyone takes it…death by blender! Now all characters and products and trademarks are property of their rightful owners. I make no money whatsoever off of this. I just do it out of pure insanity.

~Now that you have read and understood the above statements….on with the show!

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The Extremely Pointless Talk Show OVA # 6.5 otherwise known as 1.0

*You see the stage in its normal layout: a large black sofa with four chairs around it, and a large table in front of the couch. A large window with black curtains and Tokyo Tower in the background. There is a bed in the corner*

Sei-chan: Hello! Welcome to the Extremely Pointless Talk show number…….number…..uh….ah who cares. I will be you host since Neo is feeling a little under the weather…*camera turns to the bed to see Neo sleeping amongst a pile of pillows and stuffed toys.* Now, I will turn you all into my evil minions and feed you to my tree. MUAHAHAHAHAHA………HAHAHAHA…….HA!

Audience: Ahhhh! Nooooo! Not that!!!! Not the….TREE!!!!!!

Girl: I'm to young to die!!

Boy: Not the tree! Anything but the tree!!!

Sei-chan: *eyes starts glowing* now prepare to…..ouch! *Sei-chan is now lying on the floor under a big rocks that says "Ye Queens Anger/Wrath/Really Really Mad Power"*

Neo: Argh!! *Neo sits up in bed with red eyes and smoke coming out of her ears* Who told you *cough* that you could *cough cough* take over my *cough* show!? *sneeze*

Sei-chan: *Who is now cowering under the rock* Um, well, my tree was hungry and, and it needed…..

Neo: I don't want to hear your lame ass excuses! Subaru….sick em' boy!

*Subaru comes walking out wearing a dog suit and a leash*

Subaru: Do I have to?

Neo: Go get him! NOW!

Subaru: Fine. *starts walking towards Sei-chan*

Neo: No no! *cough* do it the right way!! *cough cough*

Subaru: Ok, ok…..*gets down on all fours, barks, and runs after Sei-chan.*

Sei-chan: Get away from me you dumb mutt! Ah! Let go of that! That is NOT a chew toy!!

Subaru: You will pay you evil tree…uh….thingy!

Sei-chan: Huh? Hey…is that you Subaru?

Subaru:…No.

Sei-chan: Ah! Subaru-kun! My love! *starts chasing after Subaru*

Neo: Ah! *cough* STOP! Both of you! *starts choking* Water!….need….WATER!!

*Kusanagi runs out with a glass of water and Neo chugs it down*

Kusanagi: You need your rest. You're really sick. You can't get better if your spazing out and……Will you two stop it!!? *Subaru stops and Sei-chan grabs him around the waist and carries him off*

Subaru: Argh! Let me down! Damn you!!

Sei-chan: You know you love it Subaru-kun.

Subaru: Die!! Die and burn in hell!

Kusanagi: SHUT UP! *they shut up and Sei-chan pulls Subaru through the stage doors*

Wolfie: Now it's quiet. You can go back to sleep now Neo. Kusi and I can take over if you want. Uhh…..Neo…..what's wrong? *She is sitting there with bug eyes and a pale face*

Neo: There is something in the bed…..*suddenly a head pops up from the pile of pillows and other fuzzy stuffs.* OH MY GOD!! What the hell!!?

Farfie: Hehe…I hurt god.

Wolfie: Oh, it's only Farfie.

Neo: *holding her heart and breathing hard* GEEZ! Do you WANT to kill me!?

Kusanagi: Hey, your better now.

Now: What! I'm not…..hey! I am! Farfie must have scared the cold away!

Wolfie: Uh…I thought that only worked with hiccups.

Neo: Ah who cares! Well, now that I'm better, let's get this per-tay started! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*Switch to commercial break*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Announcer: Hey kids! You all like to watch people fight, so watch this!

Oni: It's hide!

Aya: No! It's hide!

Oni: hide!

Aya: hide!

Oni: hide!

Aya: hide!

Oni: hide!!!

Aya: hide!!!!

Ash: It was…cheese!

Oni: It wasn't cheese!

Ash: It was cheese!

Oni: Wasn't cheese!

Ash: Was cheese!

Oni: Wasn't cheese!

Ash: Was cheese!

Oni: Wasn't cheese!

Announcer: Wow! Wasn't that fun? Now remember to buy all of your useless stuff at Q-chan's Useless Emporium, where they specialize in useless stuff! We now return you to your regularly scheduled program.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*End commercial break*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*we see the stage once again like it was except the couch is pilled high with pillows and fuzzy animals. Neo suddenly pops out of them*

Neo: Heeeellloooo Tokyo! Welcome to the E.P.T.S! I am not sure which show this is since it went 1, 2, 4 1/3, then 5...*shrugs* I guess we are still in the OVA part. I know, I know, it's been like 4 months since we showed a new show on air. Yet, while showing the reruns we have still managed to stay number one!! 

*Farfie pops up next to Neo*

Farfie: Being number one hurts god right?

Neo:…hmm…well, yeah! I guess it does! Having a maniacal, insane show with no educational value at number one has to hurt god, and then some.

Farfie: *starts stabbing a stuffed bear with a fork*

Neo: Ahh! Not Mr. Snuggles! *grabs the fork and gives Farfie a machete* There, now go play while I continue the show. *pats Farfie on the head*

Farfie: *smiles insanely and calmly walks off stage where ear piercing screams are soon heard. *

Neo: Well, it looks like he's entertaining the guests. *Farfie suddenly runs out and decapitates Neo*

Audience: Eww….gross!

Boy #2: Is that….bl….blood? *faints*

Farfie: uhh…oops….*drops machete*

*a faint musical melody suddenly floats through the air (AN: Oi! Think Silent Mourning from Angel Sanctuary) and Sakura petals starts floating around. A dark mystic figure suddenly appears*

Wolfie: *runs out on stage* What's going on!? *sees the blood and stuffs* Ahh! Farfie! What have you done!! *notices the music and the shadowy figure* Kamui! We don't need you right now!!

Kamui: *face faults* But..but I thought…..hello! Decapitation!! Head hugger! Ring a bell!

Wolfie: Yes, I understand, but please, not now!! Can't you see that we have to bring her back! *Wolfwood and Kamui continue to argue*

Boy # 3: Look! It's Miss Will!

Great Will of the Macrocosm: Oh my! Now we can't have the host of the number one rated show dying. *turns to Farfie* Thou must not kill the original story writer.

Farfie: Err…..but….

Great Will of the Macrocosm: Well, I can have this cleaned up in a jiffy! *hear a ball drop*

Neo: Argh! Farfie! *starts strangling him*

Great Will of the Macrocosm: *floats by* Ah...Don't mind me! 

Schu: Ah! It's great to be alive again! Hey Farfello! What's up

Farfie: *choking*

Schu: That's nice. Have fun! *walks off*….Oh Bradley…..

Brad: Shut up! *continues to read the newspaper on the couch*

Wolfie: *runs over and pulls Neo off of Farfie* Control yourself woman! You're killing him! *Farfie falls over with a purple face*

Neo: Oh my! I am so sorry! *grabs Farfie and glomps him*

Farfie: *now turning bright red*

Wolfie: I don't think that's helping…..

*there is a loud boom and the studio suddenly starts shaking*

Schu: Oh my god!! It's an earthquake! I'm to pretty to die!! *jumps in Brad's lap who continues to sit on the couch reading as if nothing happened*

Neo: *lets go of Farfie* Our guest is here! Hurry! Someone make a big hole in the wall!

Kusi: Who exactly did you invite?

*something crashes through the wall*

Neo: TOTORO!!!! EEEEEEEEEEEE!!! *runs and jumps on him* Welcome! Here, you can sit on my couch. *looks over to see Brad still on the couch reading oblivious to the fact that anyone else is in the room or that Schu is still sitting in his lap* Grr…..just let me get rid of something first….*walks over to Brad and Schu, picks them up, and punts them across the stage through the side curtains. Lots off yelling can be heard off stage*

Wolfie *looking scared*….uhh….I guess she's stronger than she looks.

Farfie: hehehe…..scary girls hurt god! *cackles insanely*

Neo: *leads Totoro to the couch* Make yourself at home.

*Totoro sits on the couch which amazingly doesn't break*

Neo: *sitting on his stomach* Now with the first question…..

Duo: Hey! I smell it!!

Neo: *sees Duo peeking through the curtains* Uhh…what?

Duo: Something big and fuzzy….*sees Totoro* OMG!! It's like so fuzzy!! *runs and glomps Totoro* Kawaii!

Neo: Stop it Duo! Your scaring my guest!

Totoro: Roooooo…*Neo does a drop kick and knocks Duo off*

Neo: Go away! We can talk to you LATER!…..MUCH later….

Duo: Ok then, I will just finish off those Twinkies I found….

Neo: What!? Argh! *transforms into the Twinkie Goddess and flies after Duo screaming*

Totoro: *sees an acorn roll by, smiles, and runs after it making another hole in the wall*

Neo: *from off stage* Take that you Twinkie murderer! *walks back on stage and un transforms* Huh? Where is Totoro-sama?

Kusi: Uhh…he left.

Neo: But Why!?

Wolfie: Acorn.

Neo: Oh…….ok then, I will bring out my next guest. Lesse…..*looks at list* Up next is Saotome! *crickets chirp* Uhh…..Saotome…get your butt out here right now!! *a bright light suddenly flashes and Saotome is on the couch next to Neo*

Saotome: Hello.

Neo: It's about time! I mean you never….

Saotome: Can I eat you now?

Neo:….be late for…NANI!!??? Iie!! I wanted the real Saotome! Not you!

Boogie: Saotome is dead. I killed him myself. 

Neo: Oh really? Well that sucks….Oh and by the way Makoto…I know you're a girl.

Boogie: *sweat drops* Well, I'll be going now….*disappears*

Neo: That'll teach her to pretend to be a guy. Heh, I shouldn't be talking now should I…*giggles insanely*…now what am I going to do? I don't have any more guests lined up.

Heero: I have an idea…..

Neo: OMG!! It talked!

Heero: *death glare* I think we should take a filed trip.

Neo: Yeah! Field trip! We haven't been on one in so long! Yay! And I know just where to go!

Duo: Nice job man. Now we are defiantly going to die!

Heero: *shrugs*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~10 minutes later*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Neo: Here we are!

Kusi: How did we get here so fast?

Neo: Don't ask stupid questions!

Duo….uh/////we're at…..

Heero: *jumps up and down* The zoo! Yay! We're at the zoo!

Narrator: Now that Neo and her comrades have arrived at the Zoo, what lies ahead on the path of adventure? Will it be a nice visit to the Zoo…or will the party find themselves in mortal danger!? Better yet, what about the poor animals!? Run! Save yourselves while you still can!! 

Neo:….uh…dude….*throws a chair at him* …lighten up. My god. You're making it sound like we destroy everything in our path….err…..ok….never mind…..just stay tuned for the next episode!

*screen goes blank but you can still hear yelling in the back ground*

Neo: *yelling* Hey! When did this become some B Rated action series!? Hey!! Where are you going! I'm not done with you yet!!

*static*

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Authors Ramblings:

Well, the first EPTS OVA. Wasn't that fun? I've been up a;; night editing it. I love Gatorade…anyway…..please let me know what you think! There might even be a sequel to this...who knows.


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